keep going

even when you think you have it all figured out, the world can surprise you. things you thought you had put behind you can suddenly resurface and you're left thinking, what the hell?

I've heard that there's power in understanding. but what if you still don't understand? what if you still don't understand why he left? or why he says "I still love you" but doesn't show it?

memories make it hard to forget, uncertainty makes it impossible. he may never fully understand the pain he caused, but I do.

my calendar today says that there was once a man who asked a zen master
"where do we go when we die?"
"I'll go straight to hell," said the master.
"Why you?" asked the man.
"If I don't, who will teach you?"

pain can make us question why things are the way they are, but questioning "why" is not going to change the fact that this is the way they are. there's a reason why life takes unexpected turns and confuses the hell out of us - it's up to you to discover what that is. grow from change and find the silver lining in life's little uncertainties.

I'm not completely healed but I am healing. at the end of the day there's nothing left to do but keep going. watch me go...