I can always tell when I'm not over my ex. I get these feelings, these little thoughts that pop into my head, that force me to consider a life without him - a life in which we both have moved on. every time the thought of losing him enters my head I quickly wish it away as if to say "no! not yet! there's still a chance!" call me crazy, but as much as it hurts to think about him there's something very comforting about the thought of him - about the thought of us. I've never been quite comfortable accepting the "moving on" piece of our relationship. sure I can live a couple thousand miles away and not talk to him for months at a time, but the idea of cutting him out of my life completely is still a very scary thought. I don't want to. I guess that makes me a masochist huh? I'm starting to believe I'll ever be in love with someone the way I was in love with sean. I still crave him.
the flip side of this is the reality that things are the way they are. he isn't in my life, nor is there any guarantee that he ever will be again. I don't like this thought, but I know it's true, which means I need to move on.
I want to create a life with someone else...I just don't know how.
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