DECEMBER

"the art of being wise is knowing what to overlook"
12/8/10

...and what to look for.

don't ignore obstacles, but also don't let them get the best of you. some things just aren't worth the time or energy. so relax. it's only as big as you make it seem.




perspective
12/1/09

"supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
life is all about perspective. change your perspective and you can change your life. so don't worry, be happy. enjoy life. enjoy where you are today. just be.

happy december!




I love that new me smell
12/31/10

I used to think "finding yourself" was about removing yourself entirely from everything you've known - moving to a new place, finding another state of mind, with no ties to the past. but I've discovered that finding yourself is as much about a change of scenery as it is about reflecting on what got you this far. in other words, learning to make peace with what was, what is, and what may be.

with the new year just around the corner, I'm tempted to devise some grand resolution - learn a new language, try to surf more, or play with my hair less - but this year, I resolve to do something completely out of character...stop striving for perfection.

reflecting on it now, I see that walking away from everything familiar, gave me the push I needed to find my own independence. in the process however, I became obsessed with maintaing my newfound "me-ness," terrified that one false move, one mis-step and POOF! it would all be gone. this is total crap of course. mis-steps make life exciting and utterly unpredictable. so this year, I resolve to be more daring and prove once and for all that losing your balance, is also part of living a balanced life.

this year, I will find joy in the unexpected. hey, who knows! it just might make the bumps a little easier to navigate.




new year, new you
12/31/09

life is too short to deal with nonsense. be who you are, love what you love, and take risks. not everyday can be perfect, but everyday can be beautiful.






what is your original nature snowman?
12/11/10

what makes us who we are? what defines us? and what makes us human?

as I stood in front of my zen calendar trying to mull this one over, I realized something. the answer to this question is...
everything.

we are defined as much by ourselves as we are by the people who come into our lives. every life is constantly evolving. the person you are today, is not the same person you were three years ago. you have changed. your life has changed.

still yet, there is one thing that grounds us, one thing that every person shares... the fact that we're all human. so no matter what your color, race, ethnicity, or religion, whether you're a snowman or a snow cone, at our core we all originate from the same place. our "nature" is simply to be - to be human, be adventurous, be in love, be grateful, be happy or be sad.

just be.




so broken in
12/27/10

I can't sleep. I know it's silly, but when the words don't come out the way they should, writing them down seems to help.

there's a song by john mayer that reminds me of you. it's called "comfortable" and it reminds me of what we used to have. let me preface this by saying you're completely wrong for me - selfish, hot-headed, and still unsure of what you want - you're not the person I need right now. but after 14 years of loving you, it's kinda hard to let you go. in fact I spent much of my young adult life believing you were the one. I put all my energy into loving you and was devastated to discover you didn't feel the same way. you crushed my heart and left me broken and confused.

it hasn't been easy. in fact, it's been downright unbearable at times. so I left, knowing deep down that it was better to move on than wait for you to figure yourself out. I moved an ocean away but left some small part of me with you, for no other reason than the hope that someday it could work. I had the courage to leave, but not the strength to break away completely. it's been more than 3 years and I still haven't totally moved on.

why? it's simple. our love was the most familiar and comfortable thing I'd ever known.

comfortable is a funny word. it's the only word I'd use to describe a relationship like ours. not just because I could pee in front of you, or wake up in the morning and not feel awkward about looking like complete shit. when you have a relationship as comfortable as ours, it's only natural to want it back.

this summer in denmark, I learned a new word for comfortable. it's called "hygge" and it means "cozy togetherness" or the danish way of surviving soul-crushing darkness. you see, during the dark winter months, the danes succeed in "creating" hygge by lighting candles and gathering together with family and friends. the soul-crushing darkness found in wintertime might also be compared to the soul-crushing darkness of a lost relationship. sometimes it seems, the only way out, is to go to denmark, light a candle and see what happens.

no doubt I've become much more adventurous, daring, and independent since you left. for the first time in a long time, I am free to discover who I am, and what I want. but I'll always want you. after all, comfort is a hard thing to forget.

so why did I stay up until 3 in the morning writing this all down? I have no idea, but at least now I'll be able to sleep knowing that I made my thoughts clear. which reminds me. there's another song that makes me think of you. it says "you're love is the perfect blindfold for me." how true that is. I can't see past what we once had. and, as much as I want to, I can't let go.
maybe I was never meant to.

...I loved you, gray sweatpants, no makeup, so perfect
(I love that line)




no plans
12/3/10

"the first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn"

life is a series of twists and turns, up and downs, good times and bad. nothing turns out exactly the way you expect. everything you know, everything you are, and everything that is, can change in an instant. never think that things won't change. they will.

learn to live without expectations of what will or should be. there is no plan.

we will get there someday.





harvesting wildlife
12/6/10

I can't believe I watch this shit. "sarah palin's alaska" has to be the most ridiculous show on tv. if the viewer discretion warning at the beginning isn't enough to convince you, just wait. I've never actually been able to make it through an entire episode without yelling profanities at the tv or hitting delete before the commercial break. I can't stand the way she tries to act normal but just ends up looking like a fucking idiot, which incidentally she is.

on tonight's episode, sarah goes huntin' for caribou with her dad, who has this annoying habit of referring to her as "my daughter sarah palin" (uh yeah, we know). of course the best part came when sarah and her hunting buddies happened upon a lesbian woods woman named sue. in what could only be described as the most ridiculous scenario imaginable, sue recounts her run in with a bear in which she was attacked, dragged to the water's edge, escaped! managed to find a rifle, but not before she "sewed her head back together" (her words not mine), shot the bear, and laid on the ground for 10 days until a helicopter arrived. are you kidding me? we can't even corroborate her story because she's the only person who lives at the camp!

I can't say for sure whether or not I'm going to make it through the whole episode. holy shit! they just spotted a caribou! oh I love it. sarah keeps shooting (missing of course) and the caribou just stares at her. oh crap, she got him. and what better way to end another animal's life than by posing with it for a picture. jeeeesus!

ok, so maybe sarah palin is a cool chick (maybe). I just don't think anyone who uses the phrase "harvesting wildlife" or makes up words like "refudiate" should be involved in politics (or allowed to vote for that matter).

one plus about sarah palin? she likes to eat blueberries. me too!